horney homeless people

when i was back in high school i recall this one incident i had with a homeless man. i was on my way to my friend S.R.'s (robbunny.blogspot.com) house to practice the new songs we wrote (myspace.com/tvzombies) only to be approached by this homeless man that looked like the bastard child of gizmo form the movie gremlins and donald trump. well he asked me if i could spare some change so i did and then he engages me in a rather interesting story about his acid days in san fransico. this was all fine until all of a sudden he asks me "do you like anal sex." at this point i didn't know what was proper etiquette when discussing anal sex and i really didn't like the way he was looking at me. i have seen those same eyes on porn video i accidentally clicked on and watched while looking for a good bible study class. so at this point i just walked away only to look back and see him walking after me, so i ran as much as i could until he was out of my sight. there was a good chance he knew i was at S.R.'s house, but that was okay, S.R. can take care of his own asshole i figured.

i bring up my homeless story because the other day while i was on my bike ride i noticed a homeless man asking for change and claiming he was a vet of some foreign war. that was all well in good up until the point where as he was getting money he pauses for a second to answerer his cell phone. and it wasn't just any cell phone, it was a F@(&*% i-phone.

im almost tempted to follow the i-phone guy and see where he lives. i don't know. all i know is that im only giving my spare change to hookers, drunks, and kids that are a few quarters short form a six pack

women are a lot like cats

i was sitting in the porch of this old abandoned house people watching when all of a sudden this stray cat got my attention. i noticed it and then it hit me, women are just like stray cats.

they come into your life when you least need them

you complain a lot, bu you have this odd connection that you really cant explain.

you begin to nurture these feelings of love you have

then they strut around like there the boss of the house only for you to discover that its true

and once you have gotten to the point where you are utterly happy and cant live with out her (cat or woman), they leave just as quickly as they came. now thats beautiful.

love affairs

i want to have wild affairs with strange women, or strange affairs with wild women. i don't know, haven't quite made up my mind on that, not sure which one would be more enjoyable.

my first conversation with the girl that i would eventualy date for 3 years

as well as i can remember, it was the first week of my sophomore year in high school and i was in my p.e. class. we were dismissed and allowed to do whatever we wanted for the rest of the period. I decided that for the rest of the period i would sit in the bleachers and do nothing but stare off into space, then out of nowhere comes this girl and just sits herself rather abruptly and much too close to me for my comfort. and here is our very first conversation;

her: you look lonely.
me: what the fuck is that supposed to mean.

i hung out with her about a month or so ago around 4am at Astros coffee shop . she told me that she actually loves the fact that this was our first conversation. she says it basically sums up our relationship rather perfectly, and im inclined to agree with her.

my ideal life

For the longest time I thought I came up with this by myself but now that I look back on it, I might have stolen the idea from “The Catcher in the Rye.” I have to say that I am a bit of a romantic, and I dream of finding the girl who I will fall madly in love with like an intoxicated poet. I want to find the type of girl you only read about in books. I toyed around with the idea of putting a personal add in the news paper but I doubt I would find my dream girl. First off she would have to be a deaf mute with obsessive compulsive disorder to bake. She would have to be smarter then myself, and have a rocking body. I would marry her right away then we would go off and live in the most isolated part of catalina island where I would build us our shelter and grow our own food and we would have a marry little life of great conversation mostly consisting of myself talking due to the fact that I never learned sign language, its not due because I couldn’t or didn’t want to, I just cant find a reason to do so. And after several years I would write my great novel that would be mocked and ridiculed by everyone only to become a classic once my wife and dog go forward with there plot to murder me. After I go uterly mad and become more detached from reality after the world has mocked my brilliance, I would have two children with my wife. A boy and a girl. I would raise them the same way that John Stuart Mills’ father raised him. Both of them will be brilliant and I will teach them to be terrified of marshmallow peeps from an early age with the help of association. Every time I show them a peep I will flicker the lights on and off and have them drenched in ice cold water while I play "I'd Do Anything for Love" by Meat Loaf in the background just for shits and giggles.

-mouse

To whome it may conern

The stories you are about to read in this blog will be as honest of a portrayal to the realities of what actually happened. Though it is not to say that I myself as the writer haven't added more for the sake of telling a good story or simply to make myself seem deeper. I do after all suffer of being self indulged alcoholic driven narcissist with a God complex who cant just say no to a pretty girl, but for the most part all of it is the truth simply due to the fact that I am not that great of a writer. Names have been changed and some locations have been changed as well simply because I wanted to. one should note though, that not all my blogs will be stories, others will simply be philosophical ideas or simple comments of whatever is on my mind.

- mouse