ecology (a perfect moment)

i know your fragile. your bound to self-destruct. my love is a lot like yours, its been crippled by the wars we have waged in our head for so many years. a burnt out halo hangs from above your head, and the stars know that your trying to hard, that's why they shine, there trying to show you the way. always hoping for more then just another kiss goodnight. but just smile, i want you happy.

a) do you love me.

b) you know i love you.

a) no, i mean really love me. do you love me to death?

b) ...no.

a) ...

b) but i would die if you left.

asilverliningthatshinesonlyforyou

weightlessandtravelingthroughspaceirememberhervoicebutnotherface.everytimeihearhervoiceiask "wheredidyouhideallthosedayswewast?"shesalwaysnearandshewantstostaybutiknowthatshecantstayhere.

hervoiceisfading
butihearherstill
she'll always be

a small thought on PROP 8

(this Saturday i found myself in a protest against prop 8. it was in Hollywood and there were over a hundred police vehicle and a few police buses and a helicopter overhead. i wasn't expecting the swat team.)

many people believe that Prop 8 is about gay rights and gay rights only. well its not. Prop 8 is about discrimination and changing California's constitution in order to discriminate against people who are homosexuals. the religious right says that they fight this "good" fight to protect the institution of marriage. well, if that is true then why don't we change California's constitution and ban divorce. Marriage covenant is a covenant of love, since God is love (John 4:8), it is a covenant of God. No one therefore, can put aside the covenant (Matt 19:6). Divorce therefore, goes directly against God; and those who remarry after divorce are committing adultery (Luke 16:18). so the question now is, are you really protecting the institution of marriage or are you just being a bigot.

oh snap! (Kid S. 2:3)

the election

After work i went to my polling place and casted my vote. I then went with a few friends to a last obama rally then we quickly went to another friends house were we watched the television set with the gaze of a five year old watching his favorite cartoon show. Then it happened, "Barack Obama has won the election, congratulations to our 44th president." at that moment i couldn't hold back, i let out a joyous yell of celebration and tears (yes I actually cried a little) soon followed. The joy i felt at that time and still do, is beyond words for me. I have tried so hard to get friends and family to support a man i truly believe in and I have been at the rallies and even did a silk-screening workshop solely to spreed the message of peace and the hope of seeing Obama as our future president. This is truly amazing when you consider that never before in our history has an avowed anti-war candidate been elected president during a time of war. The tides of change are here and they are strong. The presidency is now in the hands of a man who refused to sling the mud back to his opponents after all the names and scare tactics they used against him, and he marched on with grace, dignity, and the goodness we all can see. The presidency is now in the hands of a man, who will hopefully not forget what made him win the hearts of a nation and this election. Oh, and lets not forget, we saw history being made. A black man has triumphed, and is now the president of this great country. Hopefully he can fix the great deal of damage that the Republicans have caused in the past eight years of tyranny. its kinda funny really, the last Democrat in the oval office left with a 200 billion dollar surplus. the republican before him left office with a 300 billion dollar deficit. our last president will be leaving the oval office with a 482 billion dollar deficit. kinda makes you think who really is the "tax and spend liberal."

-kid S.

the woman i love must give me the freedom to hate her at any moment.

realized connections. (time waster)

life is an independent video, shot by an idiot, full of sound and fury. Signifying nothing.
it originated in Hamlet, which blessed the world with a plethora of amazing quotes and pithy observations on life. Faulkner became smitten and stole one of the lines in the play and used It as the title to his great masterpiece The sound and the fury and then some weird little art house freaks picked it up and used that as the description of their upcoming movie and then this idiot used it to waste time until his Russian arrives for their lunch date. until then this idiot shall drink his coffee and write more about nothing.

trash

Its all a dream I keep telling myself.
Tomorrow I’ll wake.
So all of this pain makes no difference.
Tomorrow I’ll wake.

But its not a dream
everyone keeps telling me;
Time will take care of all of this.

I just want to kill the night.
I take a deep breath and feel the air in my chest,
And the warm blood in my veins.
but i still feel dead.
it makes no difference.

all my words will never be heard.
my words are land mines in my own mind.
theres to many questions and not enough answers.

so i tell you all my intimate secrets and fears
when you lay under the warm embrace of sleep.
i tell you everything i wish i had the courage to tell you
when you are awake.

Soon the sun will rise.
And all I have done is seen you sleep.

I just need to close my eyes.
Is it worth me trying?
That’s what I keep asking myself.

there are certain colors in the stained glass window that are dull
in those dull colors light peeks through
the light of the universe.

let go.
hold on.
remember why.
hold on tighter.

but wait, here is a thought for you
when you close your eyes,
do you die?
or does the world?
and when you open your eyes
who is born again?

perfection is rare
but there are few who have it
and even fewer who are able to hold on to it
perfection is fleeting.

many things in this world are fleeting
this soul is fleeting
will you notice ?

once its...

The lonely moon

will you lend me your fathers small fishing boat?
yes, of course i will. but why do you need it?
i need it in order to sail out to where the moon is closest to the ocean.
and why would you want to sail to such a silly place?
im going to lasso the lonely moon...for you. then i can take us both up there where we could have a lovely picnic, and i will grab some moon flowers for you. then maybe i can tell you everything. tell you how my heart longs for you. tell you that everything i want i found in your eyes. then will climb back down, sail back to shore and go our seperete ways untill the next time. i lasso the moon... for you. and who knows... maybe one day will be married, and everytime the day turns inside out to revel the stars...we can look up to where we first feel in love

the innocent words of the boy touched the young girls heart so much that she lent her fathers fishing boat to the boy. she told him that he would never find where the moon meets the ocean for many people have tried before and failed. but the young boy was sure he could find it. he had to try. for this is the only way he thought she would ever be able to love him. he didnt have to many possessions in this world and the meager one's he had he couldn't give to such an angel who stepped out of a dream. the boy knew well that she could never really love him the way he loved her. but as long as she would spend one day with him on the lonely moon... he would be able to die happy in his paupers grave. so off he went and he promised her that he would return as soon as he found the lonely moon.

many years went by and no one had heard from the boy. many simply assumed that he was lost at sea or simply died in his own ocean of emotions. the once young girl had grown old and her memory of the boy had faded long ago until one day when she was walking near the shore that she noticed a small boat that her granddaughter had pointed out to her. there it was, her fathers old fishing boat, beaten and withered by time it looked like an ancient relic from another world. there she stood for a good time looking at her childhood summed up in the form of a small fishing boat. her granddaughter walked up to it and then called for her grandmother.

she walked up to the ancient relic and began to shed soft tears for what she saw. inside the boat was a single flower.. a single flower from the lonely moon.

liquid sunshine and the foolish moon

breath in the fire.

pour in the sunshine.

and let the moon make fools.

oh how i adored my intoxicated state. falling asleep at 4 in the morning with my beautiful Russian lover who hates me only to wake up next to her around eight to begin drinking Holden's favorite drink and falling madly in love with her all over again. sigh. to tired to write.

el districto de los perros

there might be some misspelling.

te envié este mensaje porque sé que consegistes mi mensaje de mi corazon solo y lo ignorantes. te envié un mensaje ayer, "que sucedido" yo mi dije, pero tu estabas muy acupada mensajería todos otro incluso para decir hola. oh cómo mi corazón sangra. ¿usted no ama's la vida poética?

...

life is a lot like "The Red Wheelbarrow" by William Carlos Williams, if you spend to much time dwelling on the meaning, you miss the entire metaphor. You cant dwell upon it or else all you get is frustrated. Sometimes we just have to stop for a moment, and not overlook the red wheel barrel. Just stop and be in the moment.

A moment in time

I keep having this recurring memory. I think about my date with ******. We were going to have a picnic, and I was lucky enough to have found a picnic kit, it came with everything you would need. A basket, knifes, forks, spoons, salt and pepper, and of course the red checkered blanket. I told her I was going to cook us a wonderful lunch, instead I just went to a local market and bought warm sandwiches and things very similar to that. But the memory I keep having is of her and myself dancing. We were at the L.A. river where we were having our picnic and I keep seeing her so happy and dancing in her brand new dress playing with the warm summer breeze that day. Everything was perfect. Though I wonder, how much of this memory is real. Oh to be lost in teenage love again. I miss the burn. But more then anything, I miss being lost in a moment that at the time I thought was just another average day. Amazing.

a poem dedicated to SAMO ^^^

We real cool. We
Left school. We

Lurk late. We
Strike straight. We

Sing sin. We
Thin gin. We

Jazz June. We
Die soon.

-Gwendolyn Brooks

a thank you note

love is such a wonderful serendipitous little thing, but this is not what i want to write about today. i want to write a small thank you note to an angel who stepped out of an old familiar dream i had many years ago. recently i have been having a difficult time dealing with my problems and being alone in general. well i told all my feelings to ****** and she cleared her day and even put a new important person in her life on hold just to be with me and comfort me. the night was absolutely wonderful, i don't remember how long its been since i laughed so much and had a good time, our smiles were almost contagious.

the rush of life at that moment seemed to slow down and no longer did i feel my heart as heavy as a stone.

the night was wonderful, liquid sunshine was had by all, Jupiter went up in flames, and the fire we were breathing made me feel a comfort i thought i lost.

so if your reading this ******, thank you so fucking much. iloveya.

obama

if he wins, im afraid he might get murdered. more on this later.

the biggest paradox of philosophy

the biggest paradox of philosophy is that if it ever achieved irrefutable meaning by solving its almost seemingly endless problems, it would cease to exit. nothing more to debate, nothing more to ponder, it would deliver a complete self-evident "system," here and now. the true end of philosophy is the end of philosophy i.e. solving the questions that makes us wonder. then again, i can be wrong. whatever.

a small thought on youth

i miss playing with invisible monsters. i think once you stop doing that, your imagination dies just a little. your imagination is never as pure as when your young, and that is beautiful.

my love life summed up.

i always fall in love with the wrong girl at the right time, or the right girl at the wrong time.

-mr. mouse

horney homeless people

when i was back in high school i recall this one incident i had with a homeless man. i was on my way to my friend S.R.'s (robbunny.blogspot.com) house to practice the new songs we wrote (myspace.com/tvzombies) only to be approached by this homeless man that looked like the bastard child of gizmo form the movie gremlins and donald trump. well he asked me if i could spare some change so i did and then he engages me in a rather interesting story about his acid days in san fransico. this was all fine until all of a sudden he asks me "do you like anal sex." at this point i didn't know what was proper etiquette when discussing anal sex and i really didn't like the way he was looking at me. i have seen those same eyes on porn video i accidentally clicked on and watched while looking for a good bible study class. so at this point i just walked away only to look back and see him walking after me, so i ran as much as i could until he was out of my sight. there was a good chance he knew i was at S.R.'s house, but that was okay, S.R. can take care of his own asshole i figured.

i bring up my homeless story because the other day while i was on my bike ride i noticed a homeless man asking for change and claiming he was a vet of some foreign war. that was all well in good up until the point where as he was getting money he pauses for a second to answerer his cell phone. and it wasn't just any cell phone, it was a F@(&*% i-phone.

im almost tempted to follow the i-phone guy and see where he lives. i don't know. all i know is that im only giving my spare change to hookers, drunks, and kids that are a few quarters short form a six pack

women are a lot like cats

i was sitting in the porch of this old abandoned house people watching when all of a sudden this stray cat got my attention. i noticed it and then it hit me, women are just like stray cats.

they come into your life when you least need them

you complain a lot, bu you have this odd connection that you really cant explain.

you begin to nurture these feelings of love you have

then they strut around like there the boss of the house only for you to discover that its true

and once you have gotten to the point where you are utterly happy and cant live with out her (cat or woman), they leave just as quickly as they came. now thats beautiful.

love affairs

i want to have wild affairs with strange women, or strange affairs with wild women. i don't know, haven't quite made up my mind on that, not sure which one would be more enjoyable.

my first conversation with the girl that i would eventualy date for 3 years

as well as i can remember, it was the first week of my sophomore year in high school and i was in my p.e. class. we were dismissed and allowed to do whatever we wanted for the rest of the period. I decided that for the rest of the period i would sit in the bleachers and do nothing but stare off into space, then out of nowhere comes this girl and just sits herself rather abruptly and much too close to me for my comfort. and here is our very first conversation;

her: you look lonely.
me: what the fuck is that supposed to mean.

i hung out with her about a month or so ago around 4am at Astros coffee shop . she told me that she actually loves the fact that this was our first conversation. she says it basically sums up our relationship rather perfectly, and im inclined to agree with her.

my ideal life

For the longest time I thought I came up with this by myself but now that I look back on it, I might have stolen the idea from “The Catcher in the Rye.” I have to say that I am a bit of a romantic, and I dream of finding the girl who I will fall madly in love with like an intoxicated poet. I want to find the type of girl you only read about in books. I toyed around with the idea of putting a personal add in the news paper but I doubt I would find my dream girl. First off she would have to be a deaf mute with obsessive compulsive disorder to bake. She would have to be smarter then myself, and have a rocking body. I would marry her right away then we would go off and live in the most isolated part of catalina island where I would build us our shelter and grow our own food and we would have a marry little life of great conversation mostly consisting of myself talking due to the fact that I never learned sign language, its not due because I couldn’t or didn’t want to, I just cant find a reason to do so. And after several years I would write my great novel that would be mocked and ridiculed by everyone only to become a classic once my wife and dog go forward with there plot to murder me. After I go uterly mad and become more detached from reality after the world has mocked my brilliance, I would have two children with my wife. A boy and a girl. I would raise them the same way that John Stuart Mills’ father raised him. Both of them will be brilliant and I will teach them to be terrified of marshmallow peeps from an early age with the help of association. Every time I show them a peep I will flicker the lights on and off and have them drenched in ice cold water while I play "I'd Do Anything for Love" by Meat Loaf in the background just for shits and giggles.

-mouse

To whome it may conern

The stories you are about to read in this blog will be as honest of a portrayal to the realities of what actually happened. Though it is not to say that I myself as the writer haven't added more for the sake of telling a good story or simply to make myself seem deeper. I do after all suffer of being self indulged alcoholic driven narcissist with a God complex who cant just say no to a pretty girl, but for the most part all of it is the truth simply due to the fact that I am not that great of a writer. Names have been changed and some locations have been changed as well simply because I wanted to. one should note though, that not all my blogs will be stories, others will simply be philosophical ideas or simple comments of whatever is on my mind.

- mouse